Recently, I have done some writing on that wonderful emotion called love. I am certainly no expert on ‘affairs of the heart’, but I have become preoccupied with the subject. Maybe, I have reached that pinnacle of maturity where my priorities have drastically changed in order for me to enjoy the finer and simple pleasures of life. As a young man, I was driven by impetuosity, impatience, intolerance and spontaneity to a degree that my perception of living was to be on an incredible fast track, heading particularly nowhere or mostly in the wrong direction. My youthful indiscretions and the desire for instant and immediate gratification at any costs, overwhelmed my thinking never considering that to savor something of subtlety and refinement, it is to be appreciated overtime to ensure its longevity. If I only knew then, what I know now.
You would be correct to conclude that I have squandered many opportunities, like sand seeping through fingers, after a while, all the grains of natural beauty that once held in the palm of my hands has slipped away. One can consider holding on to what you got, at the risk of settling, because the future is uncertain the possibilities are exponential. I would rather postulate, like that cliché, ‘nothing happens before it time’; the more commitment to risks, the greater the rewards.
This question posed by the reggae group Third World in their hit song, ‘Now that we found love, what are we gonna do with it?, suggest that after finding the ‘sweet love’ you owe it to yourself to let it control your destiny and live happily for eternity – a utopian concept – admirable but impracticable in life.
What happens when two people find each other? You have found your soul mate: a person that inspires you, shares your sense of humor, your love of adventure, with the same religious and cultural similarities, but want to keep your personality and be yourself, not committing to your partner’s ideals and escape into your partner’s world or give up your independence…. knowing who you are – your needs and desires. You have made a choice to share every aspect of your life with an another human being for a considerable length of time – hopefully forever and a day.
This commitment comes with enormous shared responsibilities. Beginning with transparency – keeping secrets are no longer acceptable. A relationship based on a firm belief in truth, reliability, ability and strength of someone, will certainly succeed but one lacking those attributes will most certainly not endure. Deceit, lying by omission, fabrication or misrepresentation of facts have no place in a healthy relationship. Definitely, a lifestyle change is necessary.
Finding ways for open communication in this modern era with options of texts, emails, Twitter, Instagram, FB and DM; deciding which medium is convenient and most beneficial is overwhelming. A phone call or the old-fashioned family conference is still the best method to table and resolve issues. With the potential of misuse of media accessibility granted by one partner to another in the interest of transparency and trust, could open a can of worms and might create chaos, conflicts and unforeseen problems.
How much openness are you willing to surrender? Are you willing to handover the password to your FB page, cellphone or tablet to your SO (significant other)? Revealing a tidbit of something insignificant or innocent might be misconstrued and as a result could start the demise of a once promising strong relationship. I believe in the ‘old saying’, ‘what you don’t know, won’t hurt you. Past indiscretions should stay private and personal. I do not believe your partner wants to hear about your encounter with a donkey in Tijuana in a drunken stupor, or your sexual exploits with the deck crew on a cruise to the Bahamas.
To know what is consensual, agreeable, intolerable, or a deal breaker must include limits and expectations for the relationship. Since one cannot control partner’s friends or family members, limitations to mother-in-laws, brother and sister interventions are clearly defined.
Marriage seems to be the perfect institution to experience joy, happiness and fulfillment in life for one other and simultaneously providing a great partnership, love and emotional support.