Category Archives: Sexuality

Human Sexuality

Now That We Found Love…….

Recently, I have done some writing on that wonderful emotion called love. I am certainly no expert on ‘affairs of the heart’, but I have become preoccupied with the subject. Maybe, I have reached that pinnacle of maturity where my priorities have drastically changed in order for me to enjoy the finer and simple pleasures of life. As a young man, I was driven by impetuosity, impatience, intolerance and spontaneity to a degree that my perception of living was to be on an incredible fast track, heading particularly nowhere or mostly in the wrong direction. My youthful indiscretions and the desire for instant and immediate gratification at any costs, overwhelmed my thinking never considering that to savor something of subtlety and refinement, it is to be appreciated overtime to ensure its longevity. If I only knew then, what I know now.

You would be correct to conclude that I have squandered many opportunities, like sand seeping through fingers, after a while, all the grains of natural beauty that once held in the palm of my hands has slipped away. One can consider holding on to what you got, at the risk of settling, because the future is uncertain the possibilities are exponential. I would rather postulate, like that cliché, ‘nothing happens before it time’; the more commitment to risks, the greater the rewards.

This question posed by the reggae group Third World in their hit song, ‘Now that we found love, what are we gonna do with it?, suggest that after finding the ‘sweet love’ you owe it to yourself to let it control your destiny and live happily for eternity – a utopian concept – admirable but impracticable in life.

What happens when two people find each other? You have found your soul mate: a person that inspires you, shares your sense of humor, your love of adventure, with the same religious and cultural similarities, but want to keep your personality and be yourself, not committing to your partner’s ideals and escape into your partner’s world or give up your independence…. knowing who you are – your needs and desires. You have made a choice to share every aspect of your life with an another human being for a considerable length of time – hopefully forever and a day.

This commitment comes with enormous shared responsibilities. Beginning with transparency – keeping secrets are no longer acceptable. A relationship based on a firm belief in truth, reliability, ability and strength of someone, will certainly succeed but one lacking those attributes will most certainly not endure. Deceit, lying by omission, fabrication or misrepresentation of facts have no place in a healthy relationship. Definitely, a lifestyle change is necessary.

Finding ways for open communication in this modern era with options of texts, emails, Twitter, Instagram, FB and DM; deciding which medium is convenient and most beneficial is overwhelming. A phone call or the old-fashioned family conference is still the best method to table and resolve issues. With the potential of misuse of media accessibility granted by one partner to another in the interest of transparency and trust, could open a can of worms and might create chaos, conflicts and unforeseen problems.

How much openness are you willing to surrender? Are you willing to handover the password to your FB page, cellphone or tablet to your SO (significant other)? Revealing a tidbit of something insignificant or innocent might be misconstrued and as a result could start the demise of a once promising strong relationship. I believe in the ‘old saying’, ‘what you don’t know, won’t hurt you. Past indiscretions should stay private and personal. I do not believe your partner wants to hear about your encounter with a donkey in Tijuana in a drunken stupor, or your sexual exploits with the deck crew on a cruise to the Bahamas.

To know what is consensual, agreeable, intolerable, or a deal breaker must include limits and expectations for the relationship. Since one cannot control partner’s friends or family members, limitations to mother-in-laws, brother and sister interventions are clearly defined.

Marriage seems to be the perfect institution to experience joy, happiness and fulfillment in life for one other and simultaneously providing a great partnership, love and emotional support.

Love is……

What is love? How do you know when you found it? And how long will it stay when you find it? These questions been deliberated and written about for centuries, from poets to novelists to the great bard himself, Shakespeare, the celebrated playwright who probably wrote the most famous tragic love story between Romeo and Juliette. The greatest love stories in history revealed that many of the famous lovers met a tragic end, however, they show us that love is stronger than anything else in the world. So congratulations to you that have found love and to all those hoping to find it someday, of course, with a happier ending.

Love is a force of nature…..It strikes like lightning, it is unpredictable and overwhelming. Just as it is impossible to command the moon, the stars and the wind to capitulate to our whims and fancies. We cannot invite, command, dictate, or demand how, where and love expresses itself. The one command characteristic of love is the overpowering, alluring, seductive and tantalizing wish to be together as one, inseparable, two souls intertwined. Lovers who believe in each other and their love, even if the world does not recognize or approve of their union.

Love is free. It cannot be bought, sold or traded. Money cannot buy love. But one can buy sex or marriage partners, loyalty, companionship, a virgin, an undivided attention or an orgasm. Love does not come with conditions, stipulations, bargains or rewards. Marriage has certain restrictions based on the law, property rights and contracts, but marriage has little to do with love. As this famous song by Bonnie Raitt suggests, ‘I can’t make you love me,….you can’t make your heart be something it won’t’.

As I wrote in my last blog title ‘Hatred and Mental Instability’, that the two most intense of human emotions – love and hate – are intimately linked within the human brain, according to biological scientific study, and are the same nervous circuits in the brain responsible for romantic love………can result in similar acts of extreme behavior – although love and hate appears to be polar opposites. I believe the heart plays a more significant role in the feelings of love by receiving information from our senses of smell, taste, touch, seeing and hearing. When we are loved, we tend to feel it in our guts, we learn to recognize when we are being loved and also recognize love for another.

There is really no mystery about being in love, it is practical and down-to-earth. In order for love to be real love, it has to be expressed as an action. A loving touch, a deep caress, a loving smile, sweet kind words of appreciation, getting caught in the rain, a long drive to nowhere or an extended stay in the bathtub are evidence of romantic love. There is often tangible proof when you are loved. When you are treated with love, your heart feels that love, as King Solomon wrote in the book of Proverbs 27:19, ‘As water reflects a man’s face back at him, so is the heart of one [person] to another’.

Love radiates like the sun and shines through the darkest clouds, independently of our fears and desires. Love comes on its own time, without a schedule.

Hot for Teacher: ‘Sexpidemic’

Just finished reading a list of documented female teachers that been accused, or convicted of having sexual relations with their students. Teachers having sex with students is more prevalent than one would imagine, so much so, that it has a name and classified as ‘sexpidemic’ in academic circles for tracking and researching this deviant behavior. It is also surprising that I could not find an extensive list for men teachers, maybe because it less widespread, or male teachers are more discreet, or the girl students they molest keep their secrets. Most boys tend to reveal the unwholesome sexual interest to their friends and for some unexplained reason, to their mothers.

Though the criminal sex penalties are the same, victims are underage, and the alleged actions are similar, female teacher sex offenders in most cases face much lighter sex crime penalties than their male counterpart offenders do. Even more disturbing, these female teacher sex offenders have even gained pop culture status through intense media scrutiny about their arrests and sex crime trials. Contrary to their male sex-offending peers that are often deemed as “predators” by public and judicial consensus, female teachers involved in sex scandals tend to receive lighthearted, even flattering press coverage, instead of being reviled as sexual predators.

I would have willingly engaged in any sexual activity with my female teachers. As a teenager fueled with ranging hormones, and with the added misfortune of attending an all-male institution, I had to endure many sleepless nights longing for my beautiful and gorgeous Peace Corps teacher to seduce me and take me home for private lessons. I looked forward with great anticipation to my weekly French classes, not only to become more fluent in the language but also a rare opportunity, at the tender age of 12 or 13, standing in the proximity of a real woman (who was not family), to bask in her femininity and to breathe in her exotic perfume at every opportunity. Those fleeting moments of my impressionable youth still linger, with a definite appreciation of the French language. Not condoning teachers having sex with students, however, in today’s world that line of respect between students and teachers seemed to be obliterated.

The female sex offenders are of no particular religion, marital status or education from English, Language Arts teachers; Kindergarten, History, Special Education educators, softball and cheer-leading coaches to substitute teachers, and varied in ages ranging from 21 years to 60-year-old, Adrienne Laflamme, a Science teacher at the Brevard County Juvenile Detention Center in Cocoa Beach, FL., who not only had a four-week heated affair with a 17-year-old inmate but also included a three-some with a 14-year-old boy.

Sexual shenanigans are not always between teachers and the opposite sex, but also among lesbian teachers and young girls. Sexual involvement with students can be complicated when more than one teacher is having a relationship with the same student. Some teachers are quite adventurous as in the case of Special-education teacher, Summer Michelle Hansen, 31 of Centennial High School in Corona, CA., charged with having sex with five students and sending the boys text messages and nude pics of herself.

Alabama has the highest rate of sexual relations between teacher-student sex in the nation. Kentucky, Louisiana, Vermont and Mississippi round out the nation’s top five worst states for teacher-student sex.

According to the U.S. Department of Justice NSOPW website, the facts and statistics are overwhelming. In a 2012 maltreatment report, of the victims who were sexually abused, 26% were in the age group of 12-14 years and 34% were younger than 9 years old. Research conducted by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) estimated that 1 in 6 boys and 1 in 4 girls are sexually abused by the age of 18; and 69% of the teen assaults reported to law enforcement occurred in the resident of the victim, the offender, or another individual.

What would motivate an intelligent, mature teacher to indulge in sex with a minor at the cost of losing one’s reputation, career and the respect of the community? Well, no single factor or combination of factors can fully explain why someone offends sexually, though some factors may increase a person’s tendency to do so, such as: (a) physiological/biological (e.g., imbalanced hormones, being sexually attracted to children); (b) sociocultural (e.g., being exposed to broader social messages supportive of aggression); (c) developmental/environmental (e.g., having witnessed domestic violence) and (d) situational/circumstantial (e.g., having easy access to victims, extreme levels of stress).

With a large number of teachers having sex with their students across America, it is inevitable that being a teacher’s pet will include special sexual favors.

RESOURCES

The The American Physiological Association has a great resource for understanding and preventing child abuse and neglect.

Center for Sex Offender Management provides parents and guardians tools to prevent child abuse.

Working In the Shadows

There is some debate whether prostitution is ‘the oldest profession’ known to mankind. But ‘working girls’ have been around since the middle ages. Looking forward to the day, or night when sex workers can hang a shingle to their establishment beckoning patrons with a warm welcome, ‘open for business’, rather than parading on sidewalks leaning into cars, or dressed provocatively, unprotected by the laws of commerce and trade. Prostitution is good old-fashioned capitalism: an economic, political system in which a country’s trade and industry are controlled by private owners for profit, rather than by the state. In basic economics, demand refers to how much a product or service desired by buyers. We can all agree that this commodity is so desirable that men will be always be willing to buy at a certain price, depending on how much the market can supply.

Making sex work legitimate would bring women out of the underground secret shadows, free from traffickers, predators, and criminals. Sex workers are the most likely demographic of people beaten, stabbed, raped or murdered. Only lumberjacks, bush pilots and deep-sea fishermen experience more workplace dangers, and a more hostile environment. In addition, avoiding arrest and incarceration, and society’s judgement is a burden most other skilled occupations do not encounter; except for salesmen and lawyers.

The consequences of being arrested for prostituting, not only carries shame and disgrace, but also the inability to get a more socially acceptable job to earn a living; ineligible to rent an apartment for up to five years, a criminal record; with limited options, the only choice is to return to sex work. Meanwhile, the other participant in the sex transaction is guilty of a misdemeanor, gets a slap on the wrist and his transgression is forgiven and a second chance to redeem himself.

In 1985 in Amsterdam, the first World Whores Congress established the International Committee for Prostitutes’ Rights. A total of 75 participants from six European countries, three South-East Asian countries, the United States and Canada. Both sex workers and allies wrote a World Charter that demanded decriminalization of all aspects of adult sex work, the repeal of laws denying their freedom of association, to a private life, or to travel. They opposed systematic zoning policies, mandatory health checks, any law that limited their abilities to control their working conditions. In 2003, the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers was found. Red Umbrella Project is an important symbol for sex workers’ rights recognized every year on December 17th.

In 2003, the New Zealand Prostitution Reform Act (PRA) fully decriminalized sex work. It is legal for any citizen over 18 years old to sell sexual services, street-based sex work, or run a brothel. Sex workers’ right is guaranteed through employment and human rights legislation. Opponents of the PRA had feared its introduction would to lead to an explosion of brothels, and of human trafficking. Five years after its introduction, the Prostitution Law Review Committee found, ‘the sex industry has not increased in size, and many of the social evils predicted have not been experienced’. The review committee also tasked the Christchurch School of Medicine (CSM) with carrying out an Independent Review. Quantitative and qualitative methods found that over 90 percent of sex workers believed the PRA gave them employment, legal and health and safety rights. A substantial 64 percent found it easier to refuse clients. Significantly, 57 percent said police attitudes to sex workers changed for the better.

Sex work is a caring profession that sells a service: including physical acts, of course, but also give comfort to the lonely, counseling, relieving stress, emotional connections and stimulating conversation and offer sex to men with disabilities who would otherwise had no opportunities for sexual expression and all the health benefits it can bring. A trailer for the Australian documentary Scarlet Road reveals a little-known side of sex work. Rachel Wotton an out-spoken young woman from Sydney, Australia, has been working legally as a sex worker; half of her clients are people with disabilities.

While decriminalization may not cure all the ills of this profession, however, an opportunity to see the sex worker, not as a criminal, but as an individual with rights who needs protection, and safety, healthcare, counseling, and treatment for drug addiction and mental issues, which may lead to economic empowerment.

The “Senior Salute”

A New Hampshire judge sentenced former student, Owen Labrie, 20, of the élite St Paul’s School to a year in jail for raping an underage female freshman on campus two days before his graduation. Unfortunately for Mr Labrie, who was considering a career as an Episcopal priest, is practically now likely over (But he can consider a switch to the Catholic Church and forget about women); along with a full scholarship to Harvard. He was also ordered to register as a sex offender for life, while his partner in the crime remains anonymous.

St Paul’s School established in 1856, is a highly selective private college, co-educational preparatory boarding school in Concord, New Hampshire, affiliated with the Episcopal Church. The 2,000 acre campus serves 531 students from all over the United States and the world. Notable alumni are: John Kerry (1962), Robert Mueller (1962), J. P. Morgan (1884), Efrem Zimbalist and others well renowned.

St Paul’s is home to many long-standing traditions, one of which, is the “Senior Salute”, in which seniors proposition young classmates for sexual encounters before graduation. The events of May 30, 2014 is basically a ‘he said, she said’ proposition. Labrie insisted that their encounter was consensual, that he did not penetrate the girl, and that it stopped short of sex after putting on a condom, said he had a moment of ‘divine intervention’ and changed his mind about having sex with the girl. He is the first guy to ever waste a condom. That story is so preposterous, it is like taking your rain wear off in a down pour, and God does not interrupt any opportunity for procreation.

During the trial the victim testified that she agreed to meet Labrie as part of the annual school tradition. She said she kissed him and participated willingly in some physical contact, but resisted as he became more aggressive and that she said no, more than three times. Although, the jury did not believe he took his condom off or put one on at all, they determined the State did not prove that she did not give consent. Nobody exactly knows what happens, however, she was under the age of consent and that is against the law.

Mr Labrie must be the unluckiest man in New Hampshire. He will be a historical footnote that ended the 159 year tradition of St Paul’s “senior salute”.